yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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