hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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