There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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