We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
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You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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