I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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