$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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