im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just want to make out with him forever
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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