the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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