He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
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you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
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It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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