The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
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Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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