We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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