You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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