My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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