I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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