I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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