my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
NoShamevember. You game?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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