Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
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Clothes are such an inconvenience.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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