Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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