Your dad touched me again.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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