youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize