You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
too bad you live with your parents still
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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