It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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