I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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