also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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