Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Dear god my vagina.
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