i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
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But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
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Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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