He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
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i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
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Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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