Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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