Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize