ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
don't judge my taste in strippers
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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