At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
3pm strippers are depressing
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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