sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
two words...techno handjob
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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