I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
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I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
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I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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