you mean i was at the winter classic?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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