I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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