so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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