Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
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We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
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I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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