go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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