So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
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It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
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The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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