ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
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Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
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Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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