btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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