Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
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I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
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I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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