someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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