Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
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And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
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when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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