I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
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In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
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I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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