i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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