Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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