There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i came on her dog
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... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
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I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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