Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize