the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Define "chronic" masturbator.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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